The Rich Witch

 The part of me that loves the experience of drinking wine and beer for the flavor profiles and pairings The part of me that hasn't really enjoyed the flavors of beer and wine like I used to for a long time - do I have nerve damage in my tongue? Have I not had good beer/wine in years? Have I not been in the right atmosphere to really enjoy it like I used to? The part of me that actually prefers to drink alone The part of me that fully recognizes I don't feel well the day after drinking - usually from dehydration The part of me that feels my liver feel upset after I've been drinking The part of me that has a high tolerance for drinking because of regular drinking which does mean 1, I don't typically get drunk (good) 2, I still drink quite a bit when I drink (not great), and 3, I still get pretty dehydrated after drinking (not good) The part of me that wonders if I'm an alcoholic The part of me that contrasts my behavior to known alcoholics The part of me that compare...

The part of me that dissociates when my parents are having an inane fight that is actually just my stepdad hitting his extremely low tolerance of things not being exactly as he wants them to be The part of me that feels haunted when I’m being nearly chased around the house with constant criticisms on what I’m doing wrong and how I’m fucking up their very measured existence. For example, filling an ice cube tray and having my mom watch over my shoulder to make sure I’m doing it right or leaving the bathroom fan on to clear out the smell after I shit and having my mom run behind me to turn it off not to waste electricity The part of me that enjoys playing games with my mom, getting a little competitive and talking a little shit in fun The part of me that hates playing games with my mom because when things don’t go exactly her way she starts blaming the game, me, the cards, the whatever The part of me that still experiences satisfaction when either of them want to spend time with me The p...

  If I were a sofa, I would be firm with a soft top. My seat would be broad so people could sit upon me with legs up or crossed easily. I would be between emerald and turquoise green and have a chaise lounge chair companion. I would sit on top of a lovely rug on top of hard wood floors. I would be relatively simple in today’s sofa-owning world - just an L shape. I would sit in a spacious but not overly large room where the focus is on gathering more than television. I am firm so people can jump on me, sit on me, lie on me, enjoy me over time while I maintain my structure. I am, after all, the center of the home. I am the first new sofa owned by my people. They cherish me and love me but also use me thoroughly - after all, that’s what loving a sofa is all about. My pillows are cushy AF while also holding their shape. The most important part of this is the color and the strong but soft aspects. This is, after all, the place where people go to recover at the end of the day as well as ...

 My life got really out of balance. I got to several points of having no money, very little daily movement (only short walks with Deena), almost zero socializing, an incredibly significant amount of weight gain (it jumped up when I quit smoking, and has stayed up because my body is so out of balance). So much was stagnant. I was trying to push something forward that just wasn't moving, and I kept doubling down on pushing which just doubled my devastation that it wasn't moving. So then I moved 7/20-8/9 - Break for Colorado. 1st sit in Denver. Got my ass to Colorado. Gave me 3 weeks to hunt for jobs. Found the job title I wanted to go after. Hunted places to live until I realized I wasn't ready to settle somewhere yet.  8/9-8/14 - Trusting in the Trees. 2nd sit in Woodland Park (Colorado Springs, up the mountain). When this came through I realized this might actually work. Perhaps my ability to always find a place to land is something I can just rely on and not worry about. D...

 I am a feeling sorter-outer. What that means is I am pretty tuned to myself from an objective perspective, and I work to sort out what I'm feeling and why as life unfolds through me.  I have a relationship with a woman where we exchange ideas and inspirations and, sometimes, personal things, but it seems (to me) like when I venture too far in a direction she doesn't approve of, she ghosts me for a while.  I can't really verify that's true, and I'm not sure she would think or admit she's doing that, but it seems like there's a lane we're meant to stay in, and I need to stay in that lane in order to remain in relationship.  This causes me some stress. I don't have a whole lot of active relationships with friends, but the ones I have I like to settle into and be myself and express who I am and how I am and what I think and not have guardrails up. And I want them to do the same.  Let me break down this actual interaction. She was texting me yesterday (b...

  I remember contemplating moving to the beach at one point and decided I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to take it for granted. This isn’t true of all natural phenomena with which I am deeply in love. But it seemed unlikely at the time I would live in sight of the beach and I knew-maybe without internal articulation-that I can construct a lot of barriers between myself and that with which I want to be in contact. And if I lived near a beach it could be very probable that I wouldn’t visit the beach. A lot of extraneous energy would become my barrier. It’s different with mountains. Mountains can be seen in the distance. For example, right now I gaze upon the Rocky Mountains, completely enamored with their beauty and unfamiliar line (as I’ve grown to know the Superstition Mountains intimately, but these are new). As I sit here in the back yard of a beautiful home, beautiful yard, and for my eyesight I see I field of sunflowers and baby aspens and then the mountains. Do I want t...