To Own or Not to Own

 I remember contemplating moving to the beach at one point and decided I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to take it for granted.

This isn’t true of all natural phenomena with which I am deeply in love. But it seemed unlikely at the time I would live in sight of the beach and I knew-maybe without internal articulation-that I can construct a lot of barriers between myself and that with which I want to be in contact. And if I lived near a beach it could be very probable that I wouldn’t visit the beach. A lot of extraneous energy would become my barrier.

It’s different with mountains. Mountains can be seen in the distance. For example, right now I gaze upon the Rocky Mountains, completely enamored with their beauty and unfamiliar line (as I’ve grown to know the Superstition Mountains intimately, but these are new). As I sit here in the back yard of a beautiful home, beautiful yard, and for my eyesight I see I field of sunflowers and baby aspens and then the mountains. Do I want to own this view?

I have been asking for this. Out loud and in my head. Each place I visit has a little more of what I want, and I learn the clearer I am, the more of what I want arrives for me. Duh. I know that as a manifestation coach. But also, my desires have been fuzzy and vague in many ways for over a year

I just saw a post for a rental room (actually 2 rooms in one house so one can be an office) coming up in October. On paper, ideal location, price, situation, etc. I’m following the post to examine later. It is exactly what I’ve said in my head that I want. And, as I’ve been traveling around the last 7 weeks exploring, inviting in more and more of my heart’s desire, do I want to “own” that experience. Do I want to decide this is what I said I want and therefore I’m going to grab it? Or do I want to stay in exploration, each layer of contrast revealing more of myself to myself.

I hope my friends don’t find me a complainer, but each place I stay I have a list of what I prefer and don’t prefer. It truly is not to complain. It is to become clearer about what brings me solace, peace, deeper into myself, and what brings me further. I am my own favorite science experiment and I’m not sure I’m ready for my conclusion yet

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